i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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