So drunk its hurt
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
