dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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