if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
