Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
