I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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