i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would ride that face into the sunset
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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