You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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