Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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