I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
