So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
