Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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