u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
