At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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