I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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