"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
