saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize