why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
