i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
