covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
