I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
