i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
