He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
