he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
