You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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