90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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