The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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