Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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