Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
