I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
