6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You made out with two different species that night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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