Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
