you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize