Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
