So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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