so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
