You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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