Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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