I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
