That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
