Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
