you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
