imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
