Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
