She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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