All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
