Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
