I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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