thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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