God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
