Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
