the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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