My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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