yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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