Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
