I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
