I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
