apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Pooping to opera.
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