it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
