This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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