I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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