Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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