i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
