I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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