Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
