yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
