so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just want to make out with him forever
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I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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