If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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