i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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